"All this nothing" and other small connections

A Thanksgiving love letter to pop culture and coincidence

As I prepare for our Thanksgiving “destination” celebration, which involves Buc-ee’s for “traditional” Thanksgiving favorites like beef jerky,  brisket, and “beaver nuggets” eaten at a very large gas station with very clean restrooms, I have been thinking a lot about the importance of connection. And, among the many things I am grateful for (love, a lifetime filled with beloved pets, friends, family, health, books, music, movies, television shows, not having to live on a boat, not having to live in the old West, indoor plumbing, and an internet full of excellent pop culture), I am most grateful for those “little things” that create connections with other people. Just like Meg Ryan types to a mystery Tom Hanks in You’ve Got Mail, “I just want to say that all this nothing has meant more to me than so many somethings.”

One of those little connections is the one that I have been able to create through PrepOverCoffee. It’s been a bit over three months since I started this blog/newsletter or whatever it is, and I still get really excited when I see new subscribers join each week. Twenty articles in, I am learning more than I ever thought I could from such a solitary pursuit, and finding my voice is a lot easier said than done. So far, the most popular posts are the more personal ones (which are also the most nerve-wracking to write). So I thought, in honor of the holiday, I would again try to make it personal. To quote You’ve Got Mail a second time (I am really starting to think that movie is the secret handbook for life), “And what's so wrong with being personal, anyway? Whatever else anything is, it ought to begin by being personal.”

To me, relationships are all about the little connections and coincidences, often conveniently driven by pop culture with a little bit of timing thrown in for fun. For example, when as a kid, you could meet someone in your stifling hot (or freezing cold) elementary school classroom (that was usually covered in construction paper decorations for whatever season it was) and have a conversation based on something on their shirt or a sticker on their Trapper Keeper. “Luke Skywalker is your favorite? Luke Skywalker is MY favorite too. Let’s be best friends.” And that friendship would stand the test of time with no real effort other than things like getting together to watch Corvette Summer, also starring Mark Hamill aka Luke Skywalker, which is probably tied with Xanadu as the best worst movie ever made. 

Just the other day, I was reminded of my favorite times with my mom and again, the “little” connections made through pop culture. Our local radio station, WAXC, would host a holiday contest where they would play the Top 100 out of order and randomly for the month prior to Christmas. The first few people to submit the complete and correct list to the radio station won a prize. My mom and I would take shifts listening to the radio, marking down songs on our top 100 list (carefully numbered on a yellow legal pad), often trying to figure out what the DJ had said the name was since there was no internet to help us figure it out. For example, the year the Greg Kihn Band released the Breakup Song, we mistakenly thought they were saying the Great King Band. I have never laughed so much with her as we did trying to solve these annual song mysteries. With time, the teen drama of the mother/daughter relationship has faded, but these are the fond memories I keep and cherish.

And, as I watched the Taylor Swift ticket drama unfold, I was reminded of all of the great times I had standing in line for printed tickets to see bands like The Cure. I have so many wonderful memories of trying to sleep on the sidewalk outside a ticket box office, and ending up just laughing and discussing “desert island” songs. Then someone would show up with a boombox (and once with a ouija board) and strangers would instantly become friends just by singing our favorite songs together while we waited for the ticket office to open the next morning. 

Even after I graduated from college, I can remember making friends just like I had done in the third grade, often based on things as random as a mutual love of Underworld (the band, not the movie, and linked here to Karl Hyde’s amazing daily journal which is a must read for anyone who loves art or music) or Jet Grind Radio, which I have heard is getting a remake for PS5 next year. I met one of those lifelong friends on my first day on a new job (if you are a regular reader, you already know about that job, because I also got fired from it). She is more like family now, but back then, I knew instantly we would be great friends when I saw a NIN tattoo peeking out of her work clothes. In addition to our mutual love of Trent Reznor, that first day we discussed our heartfelt adoration for Duran Duran (continuing a lifetime of discussions about which member is the best and why), and the unlikely coincidence that she knew my high school prom date because his mom lived next to her grandma (and this was several hours from where we lived).

However, my favorite story of how small connections really stick is this one: In my mid-30s (aka “bordering on spinster age” according to some), I met my life partner when he called on behalf of one of his clients to fix an issue they were having with my employer. There was something about that call, and that meaningless conversation, that created a connection that is still going strong after fourteen years. Even then, I knew somewhere in my bones that he was the “one,” because when I hung up the phone, I jokingly told a friend who was passing by my office “I think I just met my future husband.” Of course when we met, I had no idea that instead of sleeping outside for tickets and a chance to be in the mosh pit at his favorite band’s shows, he had spent his young adult years pulling all nighters at a big NYC law firm (and occasionally sleeping under his desk when he didn’t have time to go home). He has spent the past fourteen years in a pop culture indoctrination crash course trying to make up for lost time, and unfortunately, despite my best efforts, still seems to confuse Star Wars and Star Trek. 

I can’t help but think that, if we had more opportunities to make small personal connections, to find the commonality between all of us by sharing a little of our favorite things from pop culture, the world would not feel so divided. And I do believe that when we are old and dying, it’s the little moments that we will remember the most. It’s not the great job we got, or the election we won, or the money we made, or the accolades we received. 

I lost my dad almost thirty years ago. It’s so weird to think that he’s been gone a lot longer than I knew him. But I have so many little moment memories, and I get to keep him with me by sharing them with the people around me and making them laugh with our antics. And, I hope that when he was sick, he wasn’t thinking about his job at the factory, or the mounting medical bills, or getting his only daughter through college, but instead, he was just happy and filled with the little memories we had created making up fun songs about our dog, learning Morse code, getting our HAM radio licenses together, reloading our own bullets, going trap shooting,¹ playing Asteroids on our Atari 2600, and discussing which guitar player is best and why (my training ground for many future desert island lists). 

I wasn’t going to write an article this week, but I changed my mind because I wanted to take a moment to say Happy Thanksgiving and thank you for your continued support and those little connections you are helping me to create by sharing PrepOverCoffee with friends and colleagues, for making topic suggestions, and for those friends who read diligently and enthusiastically (regardless of the topic or their interest in it). Your support means so much and makes it fun to sit down and write something every week.

I’ll be back next week with more business stuff. Until then, I thought Thanksgiving would be a great opportunity to share a few classic desert island picks to enjoy this morning. My wish for you is that you are able to relax and enjoy the down time that only a holiday can create, and hopefully share some of YOUR favorite pop culture connectors. 

From the 1970s:

Kiss, Dynasty.  Because disco Kiss was the best Kiss. And also, this was the first cassette that I ever bought with my own allowance money.

Fleetwood Mac, Rumors. Which is one of the few albums that my mom and I agree on.

Blondie, Parallel Lines. Because I am still hoping that one day, when I grow up, I will become Debbie Harry.

From the 1980s:

New Order, Substance 1987. This was what I was listening to on a cassette tape in my AMC Spirit on the day I got my driver's license. It is the only album that has been continuously available in my car in every form (cassette, CD, and streaming) since 1987. I have always thought that if falling in love was translated into music, it would be this album.

The Cure, Kiss Me, Kiss Me, Kiss Me. There are no words for the perfection of this album, which I have sung at the top of my lungs with strangers in lines more times than I care to count.

From the 1990s:

James, Laid. When you have great lyrics and Bryan Eno producing, you can not go wrong.

Garbage. I too am “only happy when it rains.”

From the 2000s:

In case you aren’t familiar with Underworld, start with Everything, Everything, and enjoy the rave in your footie pajamas.

Unkle, War Stories. I love this record, but it is truly special to me because it was the soundtrack to a fantastic girls trip to Natural Bridge State Park. Every time I hear it, it’s like I am back there for all the fun.

From the 2010s:

I have to admit, this is the decade that I started to find less new music to love. Maybe it’s age, or maybe I’m just not looking hard enough, or maybe it’s one of the psychological explanations outlined in this Business Insider article.

The Avener’s, The Wanderings of the Avener, because what list is complete without a French DJ?

Madonna, Rebel Heart. I love Madonna. This was a great record, as was MDNA, and an even better concert DVD. I grew up listening to her, and have spent my life turning die-hard music snobs into her fans and being inspired at how she was able to remain relevant as the decades passed (these were released more than 30 years after she got her start). I have no idea what has happened to her now, and it makes me sad to watch. 

From the 2020s:

In case you missed this one (People Show You Who They Are), you could spend some time this Thanksgiving morning listening to Rabbit Dog, Volume One on Spotify. Rabbit Dog recently had their first live show, which I am bummed that I missed, but the “live stream” updates that I got throughout the evening made me like their songs even more. When they become famous and are playing sold out arenas (and breaking Ticketmaster like TayTay), I hope you remember that you heard about them here first. 

If reading is more your thing, here are a few of my favorite articles from the past decade:

A great interview with Ruth Bader Ginsburg in The New Republic from 2014 and another about how she was not always viewed as the feminist icon she turned out to be.

And since I cannot get enough of all the words she wrote, a newer piece from the New Yorker about Nora Ephron.

Longreads also highlighted dentistry today (yes, dentistry) which seems to be the frontline of the growing gap between the rich and the poor.

I used to think THIS was the worst thing about crypto. Wow was I wrong.

And, finally, for watching:

As I was sharing photos of the typewriters I used each week for NaNoWrimo with a friend, I was reminded of the great documentary, California Typewriter. 

And, no list for Thanksgiving is complete without my two favorite Thanksgiving movies: Home for the Holidays and Pieces of April.

Enjoy - and safe travels, friends.

1. These things are all very important life skills and will come in handy in the event of a zombie apocalypse. Thanks Dad!