Life does not have a lot of opportunities for a hard reset.
More than a year ago, we packed up a truck and moved south. During the drive to our new home in Knoxville, Tennessee, we were filled with the excitement of learning about new areas, experiencing different people, and having access to lots of new outdoor activities. We didn’t know a soul, but we felt that it would be great to get out of our comfort zones, make some new friends, and establish new professional networks. It was our own life CTRL-ALT-DEL.
Lately, so many people in my “inner circle” are also facing their own hard resets. Some have left corporate jobs to start their own businesses, others have decided to “bet on themselves” rather than settle for a lateral move, some have retired for the first of probably several attempts, some (including me) are trying diligently to find board seats, and others are re-entering the workforce after long illnesses or layoffs.
What strikes me is how similar all these reboots are. How much buying a house is like finding the right job or the right role to play in your new “reset” world. They are equal parts research, luck, timing, experience, judgment, creativity, and sometimes more than a fair share of rejection.
Just like You’ve Got Mail, Life as a House (2001) is filled with “wisdom.”
“[C]hange can be so constant you don't even feel the difference until there is one. It can be so slow that you don't even notice that your life is better or worse, until it is. Or it can just blow you away, make you something different in an instant.”
Finding a house is very much like trying to find your place in the world
When we arrived, we quickly realized we were not the only people who had the great idea to move to this hidden gem of a town. It was a lot like heading to a small, intimate gathering in high school. You know the one where someone’s parents went out of town and they wanted to have a party but not wreck the house…then half the school shows up because everyone invited an additional friend or two. Well, guess what?
All of those unwanted Knoxville party guests are now competing with us for houses.
We were not prepared for a market that is highly competitive, stressful, and completely skewed toward sellers. According to Bankrate, this market is the 2nd hottest in the country. I am starting to think this house hunt is like trying to get a job at Google in 2004. Worse yet: if everyone wants in so badly, what are these competitors willing to live with that I am not?
Whether it’s a house, or a new role, or a new life, it’s all about where you fit in and how you see yourself. Is this a good neighborhood that you will enjoy? Does the house reflect the lifestyle you want and the priorities you have for filling your time? Same goes for a job - do you want to go there every day and spend time with these people? Will you have opportunities for growth and challenge, and can you work with a sense of purpose? Are you willing to accept something less than perfect today for the potential of greatness tomorrow?
It’s hard to ask for help….but connections provide the roadmap to your future
A friend recently commented that she doesn’t want to ask people to “help” her find a job. She is a self-sufficient person who has always relied on her own hard work, smarts, and talent. She doesn’t like asking for help, and she has never had to.
A lot of us feel this way. But as scary as it is, the best jobs are the ones that you find through your network. And that “help” isn’t really help at all - it’s just establishing new connections. Much like the brain connectome, we are only as healthy as the new connections we create. An introduction to a new role or professional contact is not the same as asking someone to help you move a piano and a pool table, so just do it. Ask your well-connected friend who else they can introduce you to, or who they might know in a field you want to be in. Who knows, you may find a new friend - or a house - in the process.
In my own experience, some of the best homes to see are the result of sharing with others what I am looking for so that they can keep their eyes peeled and create a win-win situation with a pocket listing. For some of us in this household, we MAY have crashed a neighborhood party in a target location to meet the HOA members and hobnob with our potential neighbors. We left our new “friends” with our contact information in the event they hear that someone is interested in selling and met some great people in the process.
Everyone has different risk tolerance
We have gotten beat out by a number of buyers who are willing to buy a house without an inspection. Every time I hear this, I have heart palpitations. Have they not heard of termites, poor quality soil, foundation issues, sinkholes, or mold? I am amazed at how little the competing buyers are worried about the future, or the quality of the construction.
The same goes for jobs. It is really critical to understand what your risk tolerance is related to your new potential employer. For example, unproven small companies offer some fantastic opportunities for growth, ownership, and experience in a broad range of areas. However, depending on what you read, somewhere between half and three quarters of startups fail, with 20% failing in year 1. Thus, the fun may be outweighed if you enjoy having confidence that a paycheck is imminent.
And what about the leadership? Can you be confident in the decisions made by the individuals driving the car? Do they have the right balance of risk tolerance and growth mindset for you to be comfortable? Do they take compliance seriously and make hard choices in support of doing the right thing? If you were doing the hiring, would you choose them? If not, why are you considering working for them?
There is such a thing as TOO big…and too small
Goldilocks was not the only one looking for something “just right.”
A lot of the houses we see were evidently built to house the entire Waltons clan. And I imagine myself spending all of my waking hours aimlessly searching for our two cats - like in that horrible movie where Diane Keaton wanders around for two hours calling for her dog named “Freeway.”1
In this way, houses are a lot like companies. I have had the good fortune to work for several large public companies. And while it is fun to have real budgets, access to the latest and greatest innovations, and a large pool of colleagues, there are some disadvantages. For example, in larger companies, the breadth of roles often gets narrower and more specialized because the volume and magnitude of a single function is a full-time job. Also, because there are so many more “parts” to assemble in the machine, there tends to be more process and structure around how that assembly happens. In the defense of larger companies, without structure, it would be chaos if everyone was left alone to do their own thing. But the bigger consideration for those of us who value being generalists (the target market of this newsletter) with a broad range of responsibilities, there is definitely such a thing as too big.
There is also too small. For example, small companies sometimes have so few employees that you are buried under the number of hats you have to wear (doing none of the duties especially well), so that might not be the best fit either.
The main goal is finding the size that is right for you. As George Carlin so eloquently said back in the 1980s, you have to have a “place for your stuff”....at work and at home.
Neighbors matter
If you’ve ever had a dispute about noise, pets, or the creation of a fence, you know how critical good neighbors are. Good neighbors at work are equally important. During the interview, were you able to meet other people on the team as well as management? Did people all repeat a common word track or did they speak openly and transparently about their experiences? Were you excited to talk to them after a few minutes, did they engage your mind and your passions, or are you potentially going to a cocktail party where you will be sneaking out the back in five minutes?
What is the neighborhood like, and will you fit in and enjoy it?
The fabric of the neighborhood is created by the various individual neighbors, the environment, perks, amenities, community, and the governing body and its decision-making. Is the neighborhood right for you?
According to an MIT Sloan Management study from earlier this year, most people leave because of a toxic work culture, even more than because of burnout or compensation. And what makes a toxic culture as opposed to one that is merely annoying? Sometimes, just like a Stepford neighborhood, it’s hard to tell when you are in it. The “Toxic Five” attributes are a culture that is disrespectful, non-inclusive, unethical, cutthroat, or abusive.
Typically, if you are paying attention, an employer will show you who they are during the interview process. Do you see things that are concerning? Are the leaders hyper-competitive with each other, or do they give any impression that they have an “at all costs” culture of winning? Your career investment is just as substantial as an investment in your home, so make sure you are buying in a neighborhood that you can feel at home in and create a return on your investment.
What is the homeowners association (HOA) like?
When buying a house, it is important to review the rules propagated by the homeowners association. Can you rent your home out on Airbnb? Are you allowed to paint, erect a fence or screened in a porch without their approval? Basically, how much of a command and control approach do the elected representatives of homeowners take on?
In a company, a key indicator of how effectively it is managed, how transparent the leadership is, and what the priorities of the organization are can be seen in the board of directors2 and C-suite. Are they diverse and inclusive? Do they share common experiences with the customers the organization is seeking to serve? Are they active in developing leadership outside of the executive cabinet? Do they have a good understanding of the realities of the organization and marketplace, as well as the risks being accepted or mitigated by the company? Are they focused on coaching and creating opportunities for employees?
“I always thought of myself as a house. I was always what I lived in. It didn't need to be big. It didn't even need to be beautiful. It just needed to be mine. I became what I was meant to be. I built myself a life. I built myself a house.” From Life As A House, 2001
Finding your place in the world is never easy.
You may have noticed that there was no article last Thursday (or hopefully you weren’t reading your email and instead enjoying a long and relaxing extended Memorial Day weekend). Even the most motivated of us need a break from things from time to time. I decided to take a mini-vacation because I was out of words, demoralized about the house search, and frustrated that sheer will is not enough to move this situation forward. But I’m back at it this week with confidence that my house is out there waiting for me.
For those of you who are struggling to find your place or move forward from a hard reset: things will work out, often when you least expect it or are at the end of your rope. Your “home” is out there waiting for you too.
Darling Companion. Unlike Life As A House, not Kevin Kline’s finest work.
For more on building a board, check out “Building Your Board One Piece At A Time.”